Is everything a joke?
by aeskis
Summary: A fanfic in which I unsystematically slaughter many lines from the movies for my nefarious purposes. And take scenes from fanfics I've previously written. NON CON ahead. And, further warnings, I screw with things. Like, EVERYTHING to do with Civil War. I have never read the comics. Just … try to ignore me. And think dystopia. By the way, I was totally pro Tony Stark in the movie.
1. Chapter 1

A fanfic in which I unsystematically slaughter many lines from the movies for my nefarious purposes. And take scenes from fanfics I've previously written. NON CON ahead. And, further warnings, I screw with things. Like, EVERYTHING Civil War. I have never read the comics. Just … try to ignore me. And think dystopia.

The first time Tony Stark sees Steve Rogers after Tony has injected himself with Extremis, Steve is screaming.

According to the report, a young Resistance fighter, Peter Parker, had tried to sneak into an essential computer tech facility in Stark Industries' possession. The place in physical size was actually quite small, was located in a remote desert, and had few workers, but they were the best of the best. Not up to Tony's level, of course. More importantly, the lab housed a backup of a portion of the basic structure of Extremis. A very, very tiny portion, left only to satisfy the government fools who liked to think they had some authority, but … still. If someone who knew what he was doing came across the backup, miraculously, somehow, he might be able to recreate the Virus in some form.

And that wouldn't do. Extremis was too dangerous to be in the hands of just anybody.

That Parker had even discovered the right facility was impressive. However, clearly he had just come into his powers—he was still gawky using them, and the sheer press of trained agents armed with taser rods was starting to overwhelm him.

Tony had sent a very clear message blinking on every computer screen—take the kid alive. It was the only directive, now, keeping him from certain demise. That is, until Captain America broke through the doors and began throwing his famed shield. The tide turned immediately.

"Steve!" Peter shouted as he webbed a man to the wall. "I told you not to come after me!"

The cameras show that Rogers has the audacity to roll his eyes. "Right, and what am I going to tell your Aunt May? That while I'm supposed to be babysitting you, you accidentally wandered off into the Mojave Desert?"

"I can take care of myself!"

Steve manages to fight his way closer to Peter and mutter to him, "Could you do that by webbing the doors shut? Then we can maybe keep out more unwanted guests. You know, keep the party personal." Because more men were pouring through the two entrances, stepping on the bodies of their fallen comrades in their eagerness to get to the two.

Peter blinks. "Good idea!" he hollers, and proceeds to do just that as Steve clears the way. Tony's vision abruptly becomes dark as Rogers hurls his shield and destroys the cameras around the room in a single sweep.

"I see you started the party without me," Tony says as he lifts a hand and blasts open the door.

Tony steps aside as agents rush into the room, catching Peter and Rogers off guard as Peter is pulling both of them through a window. Another laser beam from Tony's gauntlet tears Peter's webbing and the two of them fall to the floor.

Rogers immediately rolls over onto Peter, covering the young man's body with his own. Peter is shouting and struggling, but Rogers only curls tighter around him as the the men in a fury pummel and kick and rain blows on him.

Crossbones enters the room, snapping an electric whip. Tony watches dispassionately as the man—monster now, really, or probably he always was—walks forward, the men parting way for him nervously.

Then Crossbones sets on Rogers. Rogers screams hoarsely into Peter's dark hair as Crossbones lacerates his back, body alternately cringing and shuddering under the whip.

Several minutes later, Rogers's clothes are almost completely shredded and he is bloody and unconscious and still twitching from the electricity shocks. Crossbones kicks him off Parker and the kid scrambles to his feet, staring in horror at Rogers. "Steve!"

Crossbones is starting toward the kid when Tony stops him. "We'll take them in for questioning," he says.

Crossbones glances at the prostrate Rogers, chest heaving with exertion. "Both of them?"

"Yes." When the man hesitates, Tony adds steel to his voice. "Now."

The second time Iron Man sees Captain America after Extremis, Rogers is waking up securely manacled to a steel chair in a stark white interrogation room.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony walks into the interrogation room where Rogers is kept, then stops and cocks his head. The serum truly was incredible—a mere few hours later, the bloody tears on the man's body had healed to dark welts. However, Rogers is still clearly not his best, and he's blinking slowly awake when Tony gets closer.

Rogers lifts his head. "Tony," he says quietly.

Tony doesn't reply for some time, eyes flicking over the steel manacles restraining Rogers at the wrists-arms pulled behind him-and ankles to the front chair legs. The chair itself is also reinforced steel, and fused to the ground.

"Rogers," Tony finally acknowledges. "Long time no see."

"Well, I've seen you," Rogers says in a wry tone, covertly testing the strength of the metal binding him.

Tony raises his eyebrows. "Spying on me?"

Rogers chuckles. "It's hard not to notice you when you're splattered across every channel and newspaper. The government's poster boy."

"Better than a chorus girl," Tony says, irritated. Rogers could always get a rise out of him, somehow.

"Maybe," Rogers say, soberly. "What's happened to you, Tony?"

"I realized something. If we don't work with the authorities, they'll work us over. Then we'll really be fucked." For the first time in a long time, Tony allows Extremis to retreat back into his skin. At one point, he'd had to enclose himself in the suit. Now, the suit melted back into him.

"And this epiphany occurred right when you took in Extremis. Conveniently." Rogers stares at him with his typical disappointed Captain America attitude.

Tony sighs. "You aren't still thinking that Alexander Pierce is the villain here?" In fact, Rogers had shouted as much to the American public right before he disappeared Underground. "He's been trying to stop problems from happening."

"Problems," Rogers says flatly. "As in, people who think they have the right to freedom?" His voice becomes pleading; well, as pleading as Captain America ever gets. "Tony—"

"You can't call me that. We're not friends," Tony snaps as he starts to pace.

"Don't you see? You thought Pierce wasn't trustworthy, and then after you take Extremis, suddenly he's a hero? HYDRA's done something to you, they messed with the Virus somehow—"

Tony stiffens, and it is then that he regains control of himself. He walks slowly around Rogers, who refuses to rise to the bait and instead looks straight ahead.

"Paranoid, Rogers. That's what you are," Tony says. The armor comes out to cover him again. "It's going to cost you."

The Super Soldier tenses. "What's going to happen to Peter?"

Tony stops in front of Rogers and rests his armor-clad foot in the space between the man's spread legs. The gesture is meant to make a point, entirely nonsexual.

"The better question would be, What's going to happen to you?"


	3. Chapter 3

FLASHBACK

Tony walks the length of the room, fingers drumming nervously against his outer leg—it's like the space is closing in on him. He tries to keep his voice calm and reasonable, but it's been hours, and he's exhausted. "Rogue superheroes are unpredictable loose cannons and a very real threat to world peace."

Rogers is as stonily inscrutable as when the meeting started. "You mean, like you were? Are you afraid we'll repeat your mistakes?"

Fury has thrown out all the other Avengers; it's boiled down to Captain America being unwilling to agree to the Registration Act passed by the United States government, and for some inexplicable reason, Fury thinks Tony might have some sway with the man.

"You don't happen to see the irony here, do you?" Tony wonders aloud.

Rogers raises a dark blonde eyebrow. Well, it seems that the last few years in the twenty-first century have taught him what a sense of humor is. "Fuck it all. Yes, Cap, I am scared shitless. We don't all have the peace of mind belonging to God's righteous man."

Rogers ignores his jab and gives him his patented Captain America look of disappointment. "And you want to place these unpredictable loose cannons under the authority of the government-a government that, let's not forget, hasn't stopped demanding that Stark Industries recommence making weapons?"

Tony yanks out a chair and slumps into it for a relieved few seconds before straightening to confront Rogers again. "I haven't forgotten. Force is a necessary component of organization, civil order. I want you to understand, Cap, that I am willing to do anything and everything to avoid another Tony Stark putting on an Iron Man suit and claiming to be a hero."

Rogers's stern gaze becomes, of all things, sad, taking Tony by surprise. "I should never had said what I did. Do you hate yourself that much?"

Tony has to digest the strange moment before he continues. "I'm not going to let any more people die because someone like me went on an ego trip."

Leaning forward, Rogers says earnestly, in a tone loaded with frustration, "But this isn't about you, Tony. This is about thousands upon thousands of men and women forced to expose their identities, give up their ordinary lives."

"There are always sacrifices—," Tony starts to say, before Rogers interrupts him with a harsh glare.

"If you say 'for the greater good' Tony, I swear to God—listen. You haven't thought about how horribly wrong this registration act can go? Beyond a blacklist that affects only superhumans? Hasn't the past shown you anything about the lines that people in power don't hesitate to cross?"

Of course it has, Tony wants to yell. But having walked the paved road of my own good intentions to hell, I've learned a different lesson than you have. Instead, he say, "Yes, the past. You like to bring that up a lot. I don't know about you, Captain Rogers, but I live in the future."

Rogers looks at him for a long time, and then gets to his feet. "That isn't my future." Tony watches him mutely as he walks away from the table. At the door, he hesitates. "I'll miss you, Tony."

Tony laughs, but the sound comes out more like a croak. He needs a drink. Badly. A headache is building to an unbearable crescendo. "Hopefully enough so that you'll reconsider seeing me on the other side of the chalk line."

"Take care of yourself," Rogers says, and Tony's left with the quiet click of the door closing. Just like that, Captain America had made his grand exit, stage left.

Rogers takes the kids in the divorce proceedings, or so Tony would quip, if he'd had the perspective to do or say anything remotely intelligent. After months of kicking around the empty Tower, obsessing over the imperfect performance of Extremis, and fretting over everyone and everything out of his control—so everyone, and everything—Tony finds out that he has an inoperable brain tumor.

Tony sits in his silent workshop, empty liquor bottles scattered around him, his childhood bots still as he's commanded them to be. Maybe he should be angry, or upset at least. Honestly, though, he only feels defeated. He still has Pepper, and Rhodey, and Vision, on his side. And look, he even thinks in terms of ally and enemy now.

He's lost his purpose, his relentless energy to live. Now that the battle arrays have been drawn, he doesn't know what way to take anymore. For all intents and purposes, he's alone in this.

But then, there's Extremis.


End file.
